A New Life

Monday, 11 Nov 2002

What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!

2 Corinthians 5:17
I am not the same anymore. "A new life has begun!" It feels like it started today, but I know that is not true. What I believe is true is that it starts every day of our lives. Each day we get up, we start a new day with God. A day when the slate can be wiped clean, the mistakes can be left in the past, the heartaches can be further healed, and the regrets can be left behind. That is, if we are willing. Most of us are not, and why not?
Is it because we think we don't deserve it? Well, that would be correct!
Is it because we can't let it go? Well, that is a hard one.
Is it because we think no one has sinned as badly as we have, and God would never forgive us for what we have done? Yes, we do feel alone in our sin most of the time.

What does God think? He KNOWS that we should give it all up to Him, each and every day. That is His plan, and it is a perfect one. God wants to wipe our slate clean, He wants to take our regrets, our heartaches, our mistakes and set us free from them all. He knows we don't deserve it, but He still wants to do it. He can, and He will, if we will let Him. WE are the only thing stopping our own freedom!

God has taken me so many places this year I can barely recount them all without forgetting at least one. I've traveled to San Diego, Nashville, Kansas City, Florida, the state of California, Tahoe, Canada, and lastly Cancun. We just returned last night from ten days on the white sandy beaches of Mexico!

I don't understand it really. In a year when I would have rather buried my head in the sand, God takes me to stroll along it instead. It was like He was saying, "Get back on the horse and ride". He wanted me to keep living, that I know.

Phil and I traveled so much together since he was out of school so much of the time, and God knew how painful it would be for me to go again. Every airport would remind me of him. Every restaurant, every experience would cause a dagger to plunge into my heart, making it bleed and causing an agony like I had never experienced before. Every step would be difficult, and every trip would be a stretch beyond where I would choose to go. God knew that. And He knew that if I didn't start right away, I would probably choose to never start at all. These were things that God knew, I didn't.

Each trip held its own challenges, and each one, looking back now, was tailored by God as He carried me through them, and helped me to heal although the healing was very painful at times. Sometimes it seemed to be more than I could bear, and it was, but God knew when those times came He would bear them. He would be my escape, my way out, and through that I would learn where the "escape door" was. He is the Door, the Way, the Light and my Salvation!

As we came up on this last vacation planned, the last one we would take before the 14th of November arrived, the day of Phil's home-going, Jim and I were excited about it all. We felt such a great sense of anticipation for the beauty and relaxation it would bring. And then...just before we left on this trip, an oppression came upon both of us that was hard to explain. It weighted us down and brought tears to our eyes. It was a dark cloud that settled over us that we didn't understand. But we have come to realize, there is a lot that we don't understand. We have come to realize that when times like that come, there is only one place to go, and that is to God. To let Him fight the battle, to hide in the shadow of His wing, and to wait it out until the storm passes. Until the dark cloud lifts and the sun shines again. We have learned a patience we never thought possible in this life. Such a hard lesson, but such a valuable one.

By the time we boarded the plane, this oppression was gone. Our spirits were lifted and we were ready to begin a trip that we will never forget! It was all that we had imagined it would be! Back home this morning as I sit here writing this, I am filled with a fullness of God that has no words. With a peace of all that God has provided that goes beyond explanation. I type the words, but they cannot convey fully where God has brought us this past year. They can only scratch the surface in telling of hearts that have been shattered and are being put back together piece by piece in the most loving way possible. AND, it is only possible with God. His compassion goes beyond anything this world could ever provide.

Yes, we made a trip to "paradise". When I look at my screen-saver now, the one of white sandy beaches and beautiful clear and aqua water, I say, "Yup, I've been there". I have drug my foot in that soft white sand and watched as the waves swirled around each step. I have felt the warmth of that sun and breathed in that tropical air. I was there, and I loved it! To me, that is what heaven would be like if I could design it, but like I've said before, I would not want to limit God! I'm sure what He has planned goes way beyond what I think paradise should look like.

Only once before have I experienced this type of paradise and that was on a trip to Crete with three friends. We drove to the southwestern part of Crete and found beauty such as this. When I read about Crete in the Bible now, I love having been there. For the most part Crete does not have this kind of beauty. It is pretty dry and barren, but there was that one place that I will always remember.

And I will always remember Cancun. Yes it is lined with hotels and restaurants and there are times when it is probably hotter than you know where and swarmed with people, but not on our trip. The crowds were not large and the weather was very comfortable. We stayed in a villa and when we opened our sliding glass door, all we could hear were the waves crashing on the beach which was no more than 25 feet away from us. Imagine waking in the morning and being able to throw on some clothes and walk down to spend those first minutes of the day with God strolling along those beaches.
How can you not see Him there?
How can you not feel His healing touch upon your heart?
How can you not breathe in the air that He has provided and not be grateful for all that He has done in your life?
It is simply not possible!

Yes, God can be found anywhere. He lives in our hearts and He is as much with me right now as I write this as He was on those beaches, but I believe He gives us those places on earth, those bits of "paradise", so that we can get a taste of heaven right here. So that we can stop and soak in all that He wants for our lives, if we are willing to let Him into our hearts.

This year has been the TOUGHEST year of my life. It has held pain that is beyond description and loss that seems so overwhelming I cannot begin to explain it. I have walked a path that I would not have chosen, and I have stumbled many times along the way. There have been times when it seemed so dark, I didn't even care if the sun shone again. I have run and re-run the events of Phil's last days through my mind so many times I have lost count. I have had regrets and heartaches that consume me and seek to destroy every piece of me until I would be nothing more than dust easily blown away by the slightest wind. It has been an absolutely devastating year and yes there were times when I wondered if I could go on...if I wanted to. Just take me now God because this life holds nothing that I desire anymore.

And then, day by day, step by step, God took my hand and led me through. He led me to places where I could clearly see Him. He helped me to heal in ways that I never thought possible. He continues to lead me and guide me and amaze me each day I live.

I was thinking about footprints in the sand a little while ago and about that famous "Footprints" story of Christ. As I walked along the beach in Cancun, I stepped in another's footprints, remembering this story. As I thought about that memory this morning I realized something. Those footprints were made by man, they were not Christ's. I had no idea whose they were or where they were leading. With Jesus I never need fear that He would lead me in the wrong direction. It's only His footprints that I should be following. Forever. They will lead me Home!

Early in our week in Cancun, I prayed for a shell. I had pictured in my mind a Concha shell, those beautiful ones that seem to only be found in gift shops, that twist around and become smooth as they turn inside themselves. Now, we were on a beach with sand that was so soft, it was like flour. It was sand made from limestone. There were no shells, in our area. As I walked down the beach I did find an area with a few shells, and I was excited to see them. I found a few interesting ones and picked them up to bring home. Still, my heart was not satisfied because I had prayed for a specific one, but I was grateful for what God had provided and thanked Him for them. On the day before we left, I was strolling down the beach on my morning walk, once again thinking about finding a Concha shell. (Although I didn't know the name at the time) I laughed to myself because what would I do with one of those huge things anyway? We are down-sizing! I laughed because God knew that too, and that was probably why I hadn't been given one. This was my thinking, because you know how thoughts go. Then shortly after that, I spotted it. A quarter-sized Concha shell in perfect condition. There, on the beach, for me, from God! I knew it was His gift to me. It is the best shell I have ever found in all my days on beaches. It was no coincidence. It was not an accident. It was a gift from a God who hears our prayers and answers them in His own timing and in His own way, and in His own "size"!  You can bet I brought it home and will keep it as a reminder of how very much God wants to bless us if we will only seek Him all our days.

We visited some Mayan Ruins called Chichen-Itza. Jim heard the easiest way to remember it is to think of Chicken Pizza! The people there are busy rebuilding these ruins to their original state although it is very difficult because most of the stones have been taken away and used to build other buildings. It was amazing to me to be looking at things that were around at the time of Christ, but what also amazed me was to see the very things talked about in the Bible that should be avoided. Temples and idols built for other gods, places of sacrifices and serpents which adorned almost every structure. The places it says in the Bible should be torn down, destroyed, and were for the most part, but are now being rebuilt once again. To see pages in the Bible, brought to life right before my eyes was amazing. And most are unaware, I believe, in the harm they could cause in rebuilding them. It's done in ignorance.

These are good people. They mean no harm. But that doesn't mean they can't get off track, and waste their time and energy on things that will bring them no gain. Maybe they have that time...the day we took this bus ride to Chichen-Itza, we drove through many small villages of mostly Mayan people. There was such poverty there, small huts that they lived in, small dark stores that they shopped in. But they were not "dark" people. They were the most friendly, wonderful people, who seemed to have all the time in the world to just fellowship with one another. In fact, our bus got detoured because of road construction and we ended up where we shouldn't be. This was a huge bus, and the streets were more than small. The driver had to make a sharp left turn that was almost impossible without taking down some walls. With lots of maneuvering, he finally accomplished it to an audience of village people watching. One man had even gone into the house to grab a bottle of coke and some glasses for his friends. We were the afternoon's "entertainment". They cheered us on, and directed us, and grimaced as we hit the stop sign on the corner. All the time in the world to sit and watch. Are they poor, or are they the richest people in the world who enjoy the simple things in life?

They mean no harm but...

Isaiah 44:9-11
How foolish are those who manufacture idols to be their gods. These highly valued objects are really worthless. They themselves are witnesses that this is so, for their idols neither see nor know. No wonder those who worship them are put to shame. Who but a fool would make his own god - an idol, that cannot help him one bit! All who worship idols will stand before the Lord in shame, along with all these craftsmen - mere humans - who claim they can make a god. Together they will stand in terror and shame.

Isaiah 57:5-7
You worship your idols with great passion beneath every green tree. You slaughter your children as human sacrifices down in the valleys, under overhanging rocks. Your gods are the smooth stones in the valleys. You worship them with drink offerings and grain offerings. They, not I, are your inheritance. Does all this make me happy?
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Our guide told us about a game they played in this Chichen-Itza area where the winner, they believe, had his head cut off after his victory. This was his way to heaven?!!  Two times a year in September and March, at the solstice, the sun shines in just a way where a serpent is seen on the side of the stairs of the pyramid. Thousands of people, more every year, gather to watch this event. Sure, it's interesting, just as it was interesting for us to be there touring all these places and hearing the "tales" of all that went on there, but does this make God happy? What does all this mean to Him? Does this worship Him in any way or does it do just the opposite, drawing people's attention from their Creator to the very one, the serpent, who is their enemy?

Some may say I've gone a little bit overboard. But when you are in God's Word, when you know Him, when your relationship has grown from an impersonal one, to one that is your very life's blood, it makes a difference. When He alone is the very One who has brought you out of the darkness that the devil has tried to destroy you with, it makes a difference. I don't care to worship serpents on the sides of pyramids. That does nothing for me! It is my God who has saved me this past year, not a serpent. The Serpent has only sought to take my joy. God is restoring it!

Isaiah 57:18b-21
"I will lead them and comfort those who mourn. Then words of praise will be on their lips.
May they have peace, both near and far, for I will heal them all, " says the Lord.
"But those who still reject me are like the restless sea. It is never still but continually churns up mire and dirt. There is no peace for the wicked," says my God.
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My brother Steve and his wife Marlene were with us on this trip. Steve had to rescue a man from that very sea. We were sitting at the beach one day and a man about 55 years old, in good shape, headed out into the ocean. The waves were not large and there really was nothing to fear, or so it seemed. He was not out there very long, but as we sat resting in our chairs we noticed he was in trouble. He was in very shallow water but the waves kept coming, "it is never still but continually churns up mire and dirt". He was down on his knees and it looked like he might be having a stroke. Steve ran into the water to help him out as the waves continued to knock him about. It seemed that both his legs had cramped up and he could not get to his feet. He was going to drown unless someone came to his rescue. Not what he expected that day, I'm sure!

He was brought out of the water by Steve and a lifeguard and they settled him back into his lounge chair to recuperate! He didn't know what had happened. A perfectly healthy man could have drowned in waves no more than two feet high. The very next day Steve saw him on the beach jogging. I told you he was in good shape.

How quickly our lives can take a turn. How quickly the waves of life can drown us when we get cramped up by the things that seek to destroy us. But God is our Lifeguard.

2 Corinthians 4:9-12
We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever.
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Jim and I don't want to give up. We want to "look forward to what we have not yet seen". The life that God has planned for us from this point on. We don't want to "look at the troubles" because they will soon be over, but the JOY will last forever. The joy that God gives to us.

Titus 3:4-6
But then God our Savior showed us his kindness and love. He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins and gave us a new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us because of what Jesus Christ our Savior did.
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This year has been unbelievable, amazing, heartbreaking, and difficult. It has taken us places we never thought we would go emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It has brought us to a place we never thought we would be. It has taught us to walk with God and to trust Him with every thing, because life is just a breath that can be taken away by a wave when we are least aware. If God was not our Rescuer, we would not have a chance of survival. The Serpent seeks to destroy, and God seeks to rescue.

The hardest thing to do when you lose a loved one, I believe, is to let go. To give them back to God, completely. It seems disrespectful. It seems that if we let go, if we give them up, we have not loved completely. That is a lie. The lie that binds us is the one that will keep us from being completely free. It is the one that will hold us in grief forever, even if it is only partial, it will always tie us down. It is that last bit of string that needs to be cut that is the hardest.

I can't say I've done it yet, but I have the scissors in my hand. My mind is willing but my heart clings to a piece of Phil that I don't want to let go of. I know he is with God, and I know he is not coming back, but it seems if I just open up my arms completely and release him I will lose him. It seems....the truth being is that when I am able to do that, when I am able to take that pair of scissors and cut that string that ties me to him, only then will I be fully free to live again and fully heal. God is asking me to. I want to. And I will, when the time is right. If the healing comes too quickly, if the struggles are not worked through and learned from, then nothing is gained. Through it all, I learn to trust God more and more.

That is what He wants for all of us. He wants us to cut that string that binds us to whatever it is we hold onto, and He wants us to live freely in him. He wants us to walk down the white sandy beaches with the beautiful Caribbean waters and offer our hearts to Him fully, tasting just a bit of paradise and looking forward to all that He has in store for us in His real paradise, the one that will last for eternity.

They have a saying down in Mexico. If you have been there, you have probably heard it..."almost free". We laughed so much about that on the way home! Everything they try to sell you, they use that line, "almost free". Well, of course it isn't free, they are trying to make a living. Sometimes because they "like you", (yes I was told that), they will drop the price a bit. But nothing is "free", except what God has to offer us.

It came with a high price, the price of His only Son dying on the cross for our freedom, but it is offered to us free of charge. We must simply accept it.
When accepted, it opens up a world that is paradise gained. A New Life!
Especially if the life you have lived, has ended. The life we knew ended on November 14, 2001 at 10:18 P.M. From that day forth, we started a new walk with God. One that is better and richer and more fulfilling than anything we have ever known, because we know this world is not all there is.

2 Corinthians 5:13-14
If it seems that we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. Whatever we do, it is because Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for everyone, we also believe that we have all died to the old life we used to live.
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There will be no tears in the Paradise of Heaven. God reminded me of that as I sat on a swing by the ocean in Cancun. It was the only time during the trip that tears came to the surface and they were quickly "wiped away" by God. It was like He said, "No-no, there are no tears here. There is only peace and joy and love to surround you now."

I knew Cancun was not the true paradise of heaven, although at times it seemed to come close. But I knew that God was with me every step of every day and in one more way, He reminded me of what was to come, on earth and in heaven.

A New Life we have been given, and it is to be enjoyed.

Living in His peace,
Diane