Holy Week

Monday, 25 Mar 2002

It is finished.

That's a strange way to start out an e-mail, or any letter I guess, but those that know this is Holy Week and those that know the story of the cross, know those words. Those words spoken by Jesus when His work was completed.

John 19:30
"It is finished!" Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
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I just came from my church where we are celebrating Holy Week by starting each day this week in prayer and meditation in a darkened room, lit only by candles from 7 - 7:45 a.m. There are three pictures in the room of Jesus. One of his crucifixion, one of his resurrection and one of him that signifies compassion.

As we move towards Good Friday, we are thinking about this final week of Jesus' life. His journey into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey, being hailed as a King. He knew what was ahead. Others should have because they had been told by Him and in the scriptures, but their eyes had not been opened yet. They still thought he was going to be a worldly King, not a heavenly one. But Jesus knew. He knew where he was going and why he was going there. He knew he would be betrayed, abandoned, tried, convicted, and crucified. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine knowing your future for certain? No question about it? Even if you knew that it was to save the world, can you imagine going willingly to your death without argument, without fighting, without claiming your innocence and trying to escape such a fate? Not that Jesus didn't pray to the Father for this cup to be taken from him, he did. But he knew what needed to be done and was willing to drink from this cup, no matter how painful and humiliating it might be.

Sometimes I wrestle with letting Phil go without putting up more of a fight. I forget that the only peace I had was given to me by God, as He allowed me to be with him and comfort him. I start to think, wasn't there something I could have done to keep him here? To hang onto him? Did I let him down by not screaming and clinging and fighting to the bitter end? Should I have wailed at his bedside, cried out about how much I would miss him?...It's simply the enemy's lies and deceptions sent to torture me.

Then I read:

Luke 22:49-51
When the other disciples saw what was about to happen, they exclaimed, "Lord, should we fight? We brought the swords!" And one of them slashed at the high priest's servant and cut off his right ear.

But Jesus said, "Don't resist anymore." And he touched the place where the man's ear had been and healed him.
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There were times in Jesus' life that he fought back, clearing the temple of the merchants, or avoiding places of danger and continuing on with what He was here to do. But there came a time when it was time to stop. That helped me. That helped me to remember the other verse that says there is a time for everything under the sun. A time to live, and a time to die. It was Phil's time and it was time not to resist it anymore. He had fought the good fight, we all had, and it was time to lay down our swords and abandon the fight to God and His will.

Thank you God for the peace your Word gives me when my thoughts get jumbled and confused.

Jesus had 12 disciples that pledged their lives to him. That said they would never abandon him, and that they would die for him. One betrayed him into the hands of those that would crucify him, and the others fled in fear when he was arrested...friends? Devoted? Makes you wonder. And yet, Jesus knew that would happen before it did. He even told Peter that before the rooster crows twice, you will have denied me three times. Can you imagine what Peter must have felt after that third denial, and then hearing the rooster crow?! He wept bitterly. He knew.

There was Jesus, on the cross, being crucified for all of us, and he was spit upon and mocked by the crowd. No wonder he told the criminal who hung next to him that he would be with him in paradise today. Out of all the people there, all the "holy" people who felt so righteous in doing what they were doing, it was the criminal who defended him to the criminal who hung on the other side of Jesus.

Luke 23:39-43
One of the criminals hanging beside him scoffed, "So you're the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself - and us, too, while you're at it! "

But the other criminal protested, "Don't you fear God even when you are dying? We deserve to die for our evil deeds, but this man hasn't done anything wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom."

And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."
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Don't we fear God even when we are dying? Sometimes that is the only time in our lives when we give Him any thought at all. Why is that? Why does it take something so catastrophic to make us turn to Jesus and ask for help? Isn't that a shame? Isn't it a shame to miss out on all that God is offering us in this life until something tragic gets our attention?

But I'm with you, or most of you. Some of you are smarter than me, I'm not shocked at that! HA Some of you found this out before something happened that made you turn your head.

I have been a Christian for 25 plus years. I have no doubt that had I died in my early twenties, early thirties, or early forties that heaven would have been my destination. That is not in question. What is in question is would I have missed out on this closeness with God my entire life had I not had to face Phil's illness and the loss of my precious child? I don't want others to have to feel this pain before they can feel the joy of a close relationship with Jesus Christ. I want to help get the message out that God is with us, and He loves us and He cares for us and He wants us to draw near to Him now. Just because. Just because we were created to walk closely with Him. That is the way He had it planned back in the garden when Eve decided she needed a bite of that apple...sounds silly in a way, doesn't it? But that was the beginning of our turning away, of our not obeying and our thinking we knew more than God himself, or wanted to.

I don't want to anymore. I want to go back to that garden, somehow put that apple back on the tree, and say I like it just the way it is God. Thank you for creating this beautiful, perfect garden where I can live forever without pain and without death. I told Jim the other day, "I don't like this death thing". Sometimes we say crazy things to each other, or maybe it is just me saying crazy things to him! HA But sometimes we just have to be crazy and laugh at things that aren't funny because sometimes life is just not funny. Sometimes it hurts so bad I think I can't stand one more minute of it. Sometimes I want Phil back so bad I'm still looking for that brick wall to bang my head against that I spoke about in a previous e-mail. Sometimes I HATE this so much there are no words to explain any of it!! And when I start sinking into that darkened pit that the enemy has so cleverly devised for all of us, I cling to the only hope I have. The hope that is found on the cross, the hope that is found during this Holy Week, the hope that is found in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Eternal life has been promised to us. That garden will be restored and there will be no "apple trees" from which to pick that dreadful fruit from and ruin everything that God so perfectly planned. Not that He didn't know we would do it. He did. Why do you think that even before the world was created, He provided that Christ would be coming to save us all from ourselves. He knew it. He knew what we would do. He still does. But He loves us anyway. He wants us to be with Him forever more. I want to be with Him. I don't want to be here in this sinful world because we don't belong here.

John 15:19
The world would love you if you belonged to it, but you don't. I chose you to come out of the world, and so it hates you.

Verse 21
The people of the world will hate you because you belong to me, for they don't know God who sent me.
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Do you know the God who sent Jesus? If you don't, you probably hate these e-mails. They probably bug you and you probably don't read very many of them. You probably think I'm a crazy woman who has totally lost her mind because she has lost her son. You'll probably not even see this paragraph because you won't read this far into what I have written. But you know what? That is okay with me because Christ was persecuted and I belong to him, and I don't mind being persecuted. It hurts and it stings and I really don't relish the fact that you think I have gone off the deep end, because I want to be liked by you, but.....I'd rather be loved and love the One who created me. That is my first priority. You know why? Basically because I have experienced a tragedy as some would say. I have lost what is most precious to me, one of my children. It has taken something catastrophic to get my perspective right in this world and to focus my attention where it should have always been. That's why I'm with you, because I understand. I was a lukewarm Christian who thought church was probably only important on Easter and Christmas and that would do it. Oh, there were times in my life when I drew closer to God, for sure, but then I pulled away again, doing my own thing, loving this world and all it contained. I hope I NEVER do that again. I doubt that I will because there will never be a day in my life where I will forget what I have lost. There will never be a day when I won't think about Philip, my own missing and then think about my Father in heaven who gave us His only Son. Do you realize that He could have saved Jesus? If I could have reversed what was happening to Phil, I would have, without a doubt. Jesus could have come down from that cross and said forget it, but He didn't. He died for us, His Father allowed it so that we could have eternal life. So that when we say good-bye to our loved ones, we know we will be saying hello again someday. Yes, this gets my attention!! I hope it gets yours, and I hope you can enjoy all that it means before it has to mean everything to you because you have lost someone most precious to you. That is not the way it has to be. I'm sorry it was that way for me.

Holy Week...we are "walking" towards Friday and the crucifixion, the pain and the heartache, and then onto Sunday, the day of Resurrection!! When Mary was at the tomb and she thought she was talking to the Gardener. Telling Him "if you have taken him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will go and get him."

"Mary!" Jesus said.

I tried to picture it. I tried to picture Phil standing next to me, saying "hey mom", which my boys always say. I told them on my tombstone it will read "hey mom", because they usually address me that way. But there Phil might stand, maybe with the scars from his treatments, or the signs of his illness, but fully alive and healed and well. I'm not saying that Phil is Jesus, please don't get me wrong. Picturing Phil only makes what Jesus did more real for me. It brings it home, so to speak, and paints a clear picture. It helps me to get a better understanding of just how amazing it must have been for all of them who saw Him alive again, after seeing Him die. The joyous reunion it must have been. After seeing him say:

Luke 23:46
"Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!" And with those words he breathed his last.
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And then there He was, alive and walking and talking with them. Not as a ghost, because He had them touch Him and he ate with them. They saw the scars on His hands and feet.

What if Phil were able to do that? And then God reminds me that he may not be on this earth with us, but he is very much alive, just like Jesus. I may not see him again in this lifetime, but I will see him for all of eternity. And Resurrection Sunday, when we hear the words "He is risen. He is risen indeed." I will be overwhelmed with gratitude for the hope we have. For knowing that Phil is alive and well and waiting for us. That he is already enjoying all that God has promised and that I don't need to go back to that garden because there is a garden that awaits far better than even the original one, and that is where Phil is.

Luke 24:46-47
And he said, "Yes, it was written long ago that the Messiah must suffer and die and rise again from the dead on the third day. With my authority, take this message of repentance to all the nations, beginning in Jerusalem:

'There is forgiveness of sins for all who turn to me.'
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I'll end this e-mail the way I started it, with "It is finished". You're forgiven. It's a done deal when you accept it! Don't wait for a tragedy to turn your head. If you're lukewarm, get a fire started. If you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, talk to someone who does!

Enjoy God's gift to you this Easter! Maybe for the first time!

Love, Diane